you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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