So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
