Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
