sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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