I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
