Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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