You just made me feel so damn special
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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