dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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