he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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