i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
