Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
