ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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