Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
