Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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