Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
