If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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