problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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