I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
