I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
