where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
