They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bring me that man meat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
