so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
