I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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