Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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