Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
