I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
