Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
