sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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