I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
