I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
