I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
