And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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