Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
