FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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