You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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