OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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