dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
