Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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