Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
