i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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