Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
