I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
