sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
