Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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