me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
