She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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