The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
