I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
