Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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