maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
