she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
