3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's never too late to be topless.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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